oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
