i jhust puked up my retainher.
This girl is more easily done than said...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
