just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
organizing the empties. That sober.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
