one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
