my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
