Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
