that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
