I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
