this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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