i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
