i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
