My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
