I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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