I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you would pick up someone in the library
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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