dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
