and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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