my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
