I haven't been this sober since birth.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
