Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
