sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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