You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
