Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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