that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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