I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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