38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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