As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
