I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This baby is an asshole
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
