I'm so fucking centered right now
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
