The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
