i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
