i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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