the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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