If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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