I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
