Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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