worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
