Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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