I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
