yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
