you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
