I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I wear drunk well.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
