As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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