one two three fourrrrnication!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
