Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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