Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
