Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
