i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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