I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
