If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
