She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
