Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
