I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
