Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
