This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
