You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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