benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
