i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
