The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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