mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
