I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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