Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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