he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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