If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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