New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
