If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
