I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
